Livin the Dream.. MANIFEST THAT!

I swear I feel most inspired to write when I travel.
Maybe it’s because I grew up dirt poor and traveling meant something entirely different. As a kid we’d pile into whatever beat-up old station wagon we had at the time.  My dad had spent all week; day and night under its hood covered in grease, in hopes we would not spend the majority of our trip on the side the road. That was the extent of our traveling, long ill planned road trips. We’d usually leave late at night, make-shift beds in the back (who needs a seat belt?), peanut butter and honey sandwiches packed in the cooler and off we’d go into the night. I’d always be on keep Dad awake and out of the ditch duty. I was the responsible kid, the one afraid something would go array…
I’d see Dad veering over the lane, and quietly at first, so as not to wake the rest of the sleeping car, say “Dad? Daaad? DAD!? You ok? You awake? Cuz your kinda in the other lane!”  He’d make this quick sighing/snorting/startled sound and reply “yep! Yep! I’m good. I’m awake”. I’d repeat the process every 15-20 minutes, while everyone else snored away.
Between wake up calls, I’d stare out my window; my face stuck to the cold glass and watch the stars. I’d wonder what life was like out there. What the world looked like. What I would be when I got big. I’d day
dream elaborate movies in my mind. Someday I’d be a famous singer; I pictured every detail… the crowd, the songs, the stage, the lights, hitting the high notes. I practiced my speeches like reel tape in my mind, who’d I’d thank at the Awards show, when I made my acceptance speech.
I wondered what it was like to fly on an airplane.
To walk the sidewalks of a crowded city, what it would smell like, sound like. I had never seen much of the world first hand and we weren’t allowed to watch TV. But somehow I just knew it was big, shinny, and amazing.
Inevitably we’d end up broken down on the side of a desolate strip of highway, dark and scary. My dad would get back under the hood, and I’d hold the flashlight at the problem area. Steam escaping every conceivable exit like a bees nest kicked by an angry kid. Or I’d shine it on the lug-nuts when he’d change the flat tire, everyone in the car trying to hold still as he jacked it up on one side.
Most of the time we would have enough money for gas to make it to our destination, but the return trip was always left in God’s hands, and the hands of faith. “God will provide” my mom was famous for saying. But we believed that without question there would be a way, and all would be ok, and it always was. It was an unpredictable adventure, that much we knew to expect.
Real travel, the kind people do when they take a “vacation” was something I had never
experienced until my honeymoon.  Growing up poor, the idea to take a vacation never even entered my vocabulary. That was something only rich people did. I dint know anyone who took a vacation.
Hell I didn’t even know what one was!
So now, though I am surly NOT rich by even the most active imaginations standards, I am faith and
belief rich
like my family was so long ago.
vision board
My Vision Board w/ pic of Ravens Stadium lower left

Now I KNOW that anything is possible.

 I dream the big dream and then I let it go, KNOWING in a state of expectancy that it will come true when the time is right.
I made a commitment to myself and my son 2 years ago that the two of us would plan and take a vacation alone together every year. We rarely get alone time, so this would be our annual quality time, just him and me. We put up our plan/goal on my Future Board and we visualize it, and talked about it constantly, about how awesome it will be when it happens. We talk about every detail, what we’ll do, what we’ll see, what pictures we want to take. We go on YouTube and watch videos to get us excited. We look at maps and plan our activities, all the while knowing that from the looks of it, this is the most ridiculous thing imaginable.
The “how” does not exist. I could never figure out the “how”. It would stress me out to no end. I’d feel like a failure because I’d try to make it happen and then I’d fall short and feel like I failed him. So we
don’t worry or talk about the “how”. I just reassure him that IT WILL happen, and when it does it will be everything we dreamed of and more. That is good enough for him and we get right back to planning our dream.
Last year magic happened at the last minute when the trip I’d been hoping to take him on to Disney World (our first vacation together) fell through because flights were too expensive. Not willing to give up on our dream for a vacation that we would fit in my meager budget, I stumbled upon flights to Hawaii that were basically free with my miles. Then did the same for the little Bed and Breakfast we stayed at while there for $40 a night. We had the most amazing trip, 7 days just him and me exploring Maui. We both left that trip believing that magic was alive and well, everything just fell into place without any effort or worry, it literately came to me.  I wanted it, envisioned it, and it showed up.
When we got home from Hawaii last year, we picked our next dream vacation… Washington DC and an FNL Baltimore Raven’s home game. Up it went on the Future Board. Again the “how” was beyond me. But I didn’t care. Then this last 8 months took place, nothing but disaster after disaster. Two layoffs in 6 weeks, then our house flooding, then back to work then recently another lay off. It seems sooooo out of the question.
But we still believed.
Then through my Success Coaching I was introduced to the former starting quarterback for the Ravens, and became great friends, he let me know should we ever make it to Baltimore that the tickets were taken care of. It’s amazing how Hustle.Believe.Receive. brings it all to you!
We’d said last year we wanted to go in October so for fun, one day in August I looked up the game schedule and flights. I was beyond shocked to see only 2 seats left for 25,000 miles each. I have never seen cross country round-trip flights for that low of miles. I had 51,000 Alaska Air miles saved up.
Right then and there I booked our free flights!
A friend who works in the hotel industry offered up her employee discount for our hotel stay and just like that the entire trip was taken care of. Like MAGIC.
Kanen boarding our flight to Baltimore

So I’m sitting next to my son, who’s watching SpongeBob SquarePants (god I hate that show!) on his mini TV in the head-rest of the seat in front of him, periodically staring out the window at the puzzle below, as I write. He’s excitement at the Utah airport magazine shop was legendary! He just
kept saying “this is so amazing! I’ve never been here before!” I can’t help but glow just a little. I love seeing him this excited.

He squeezed my hand while we lifted off in Portland, but
informed me that now he’s “too old to do that” when we took off from our layover in Utah (sigh).
We are in route to Baltimore. I’ve always wanted to come to
DC, and this will be my first time. Who better to go on this adventure with then my boy. I’ve envisioned a picture on my desk of us in front of the White House, and him next to the statue of Lincoln. Pictures of us decked out in ourRaven’s gear, screaming like maniacs. It’s finally here!
Let me remind each of you, that it is NOT your job to understand HOW your dreams will come true. It is your JOB to dream them. 
Our hotel in DC

Once you have defined that dream, you know EXACTLY what it
looks like, then your homework is to tell yourself that it WILL COME TRUE. Period.
END OF STORY.

You tell yourself that every single day. You lie a little
lie to your brain, and tell it “duhh, of course this is what’s going to happen, and when it does this is what it will look and feel like.” You live in a state of utter expectancy. In other words, you tell
yourself it will happen sooooo much, that you slowly begin to believe that it will. And when you believe, then you have faith (which is in my opinion the unconditional part of belief), and in that state of faith without worry you will be shocked how quickly and accurately your
dream will show up.
The ONLY thing in your life, the ONLY THING IN YOUR LIFE that is limiting you, or holding you back right now… is your inability to dream it. 
So throw out reality.
Throw out logic.
Throw out what YOU believed was possible for you.
Knock down the wall between what you believed was possible for YOU and what you believe is possible for the “lucky, rich, famous, successful”. Tear down that barrier. As soon as you do that…. Oh man…. Shit gonna change my friend!!!
Me in Georgetown with my favorite word…

 

“I believe that nothing is impossible to the person who backs desire with enduring faith.”
-Napoleon Hill

 

 


Sarah Centrella is the author of the book Hustle Believe Receive which teaches you how to apply the #HBRMethod to change your life and live your dream.

Follow on social media: Instagram | Twitter | Snapchat | Pinterest | YouTube |Periscope @sarahcentrella

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Impossible is NOTHING!

abs
Motivation baby #Abs!

OK so as you may know I’ve just started working out with my trainer and friend Jerymaine Beasley aka the ANTIDOTE! I’ve basically struggled my whole life with my weight and my mental issues surrounding it, even though by “normal” standards I’m an average built women (with curves! lol). But I’ve always wondered what it would be like to break through, challenge myself and actually get the results that I KNOW are possible.

The only time in my life when I’ve lost any significant amount of weight was when my ex-husband left and I dropped 30lbs in like 3 minutes! But since then I’ve been stuck at maintaining. So I did it, faced my biggest fear and got a coach. I was honestly pretty skeptical that he could do anything, I’ve had 2 trainers in the past and basically nothing changed, but I was willing to give it my best try. He means business and even though I complain worse then both of my twins put together when I ask them to clean their room, he patiently waits for me to just do as I’m told (if only he knew what a difficult task that was for me lol!).

 

Maybe the difference this time was that from our first meeting I knew he had 200% confidence that getting me the results I wanted was not only achievable for both of us, but a walk in the park for him. This chilled me out, and made me believe he could do it too. That little magic ingredient belief is what always does the trick!

Sooooo…. Last week was our first week (aside from one warm up session a few weeks ago, after which I couldn’t walk for a week and needed a break!) and I said I wanted to go for it, so we trained for 2 hours 3 days last week. He gave me my meal plan and today when I checked in after 7 days I had lost 10lbs, 6 inches and 2% body fat, and GAINED a little thing called…. CONFIDENCE.

I’m baaaaacccckkkkk !!!!

I look and feel completely different then a week ago, and you bet my very sore ass was pushing myself in every category today with renewed energy. I mean I felt my lower abs for the first time since before I had my son! Talkin like 10 years here (or 9 I’m not great with math!).

fitness

The best part is that my son who is 8.5 is all inspired now too. He’s been playing soccer the past few weeks and I showed him some of Coach J’s moves and he was allll about it! He even had ME do them again, and made me call him Coach K (his name is Kanen)… damn I created a monster. But to see him drop some weight and finally get healthy after struggling this past year has been so rewarding to watch. He is like a bran-new kid!

It’s amazing how different you feel when you put the work in. Just like anything else when your in the middle of getting your hustle on it can really suck, but the rewards from the combination of belief and work are always more then worth it.

This is the ultimate proof to myself that I really CAN achieve anything I set my mind too. Even this one thing that has eluded me my whole life, even this I can take control of and use my mental toughness to get the results I envision.

Impossible is Nothing” Adidas

Boya!

 

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You Gotta Think Differently.

I was at a seminar tonight where a motivational speaker said two things that rocked me. They are not new concepts, they are not things that I don’t currently know and believe, nevertheless they were Ahha! moments for me.

1. People think “Broke”.
I have been reading Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill who talked about the very same concept, and of course the Law of Attraction teaches us that what we think it what we become, so again this wasn’t revolutionary.

Yet something about it was.

He (a multimillionaire, who over the past 20 years has built a massive financial empire), told the story of his first financial inspirational moment. He had gone to a financial/motivational meeting 20 years ago and the speaker had challenged the audience to train their minds to stop thinking “I’m broke”. He said that the simple act of tricking your brain to not focus on the “I’m broke” would change how you thought about yourself and your financial situation. So his challenge was to have everyone go home and get a $100 bill and put it in their wallet, folded in a very small piece and tucked away in a secret pocket, even if it was all the money you had. That way you ARE NEVER BROKE. You don’t spend it, but regardless of your situation you ALWAYS know should you need it, it’s there. So your no longer “Broke”. He pulled out of his wallet the very same $100 bill he had tucked away 20 years ago, and said “I’ve not been broke a day since”.

Think different

I got that.

Ding! Light bulb going off.

When you think you’re broke, you live like you are. You act like you are, and you tell people you are. If all you change in your life today is to STOP THAT, then you’re that much closer to never being broke again.

2. You gotta think differently. 
Not only about money, but especially about money. If you don’t think differently you will NEVER be any different. If you think you’re broke, broke is all you will ever be.

I thought about this very thing today when I worked out with my trainer Jerymaine.  This week we had three workouts, and by workouts I mean murder sessions! I was instructed to do 30 of some crazy butt lifting madness thing, to which my absolute belief was that my ability would take me to perhaps five. I gave Coach J the look of “your crazy and I hate your guts. Look at ME before you decide what, and how many of an exercise I’m capable of doing; before quietly sitting there as if you have all day for me to get to your desired number!” He still looked at me; as if he had all day for me to get to his desired number!

Then I thought, if his expectation, and complete belief is that I absolutely can achieve thirty, then perhaps I should start out thinking I can do thirty, rather then believing with all my heart that I can only do five. Maybe if I thought differently, I’d get a different result. *(Coach J this in no way means that you can up the number to 50 next time, if you do I’m blocking you from my blog! Just sayin!)

See how tricky this stuff is??? It comes at me everyday in so many different ways, even though it’s what I know, love and believe. It’s still so easy to go with our internal statuesque. There are major areas in my life where I feel I have really learned to teach my brain the “right thought process” and that kicks in automatically. But there are always new revelations of areas where I’m not applying what I know the way that I should.

The beautiful thing about it is that the more you know, the more aware you are. Awareness is the key to growth in my opinion. If your constantly aware of your thoughts, actions, attitude and behaviors then it’s so easy to do quick self-corrections. In training I was able to catch it almost instantly and change it, so the next set of 30 on the other leg I KNEW I could and would do it.

You can change your thinking, then you will change your results.

Sarah Centrella is the author of the book Hustle Believe Receive which teaches you how to apply the #HBRMethod to change your life and live your dream.

Follow on social media: Instagram | Twitter | Snapchat | Pinterest | YouTube |Periscope @sarahcentrella

Radio Talk Show Interview with Coach Bobbi

Here is the Audio Archive of the radio interview I did with. Coach Bobbi Author of the book 12 Steps To Self Empowerment We talk about my story and how I was able to rise above adversity to become the person I wanted to be regardless of extreme adversity. We also talk about the Law of Attraction, my views on it and inspiration for anyone to achieve anything they want in life.

I hope it’s inspiring and motivates you to get the life you want 🙂

Click here to listen


 

Sarah Centrella is the author of the book Hustle Believe Receive which teaches you how to apply the #HBRMethod to change your life and live your dream.

Follow on social media: Instagram | Twitter | Snapchat | Pinterest | YouTube |Periscope @sarahcentrella

 

Surviving Betrayal.

Reader Letter: Husband has left her, and do to the circumstances she rightly feels incredibly deceived and betrayed. 

My Thoughts:
Betrayal is so deadly to our soul and our physic. It has so much power over us to the point where we question everything about ourselves. We blame our-self’s in a large degree for allowing someone to
betray us. Though that is as ridiculous as it sounds, there is no other way sometimes to internalize it.

I know what betrayal feels like. Though our situations were different I know how it feels to wake up and realize you have been sleeping next to a lair. You have been living a lie. It’s the most devastating feeling I’ve ever known.

After betrayal comes all the anger and fighting, the stages you have described. God, it’s like they make a bad situation so much worse. It’s like putting salt in the wound for years to come.. and watching it slowly bleed out. Believe me I can relate.

I guess my best advise would be what I just posted in my Facebook Group and on my Facebook Page as my status:

The great thing about starting over, is that you get to “reset”
the destination. Determine your own outcomes. Dream bigger or redefine
it. It’s a time for making choices that will affect your future, make it
a powerful transition and not a dreaded one.” -Me.

The only choice I felt I had was to start over, and redefine my destination. I had to rearrange the dream I’d dreamed for myself and my family. I had to cut him out of the picture and be ok looking at the picture without him in it. Then I had to decide what I, Sarah wanted with my life. When I realized that I OWNED the power to make that choice and those decisions, everything changed for me.

It can for you too.

You just need to try on some new life glasses. Put on a nice shiny imaginary pair and look at your life through those for a minute, your own personal new life. Imagine what you can do with your new blank slate. Start to make a dream for it, a vision for it… and step by step, slowly but surly you will walk yourself out of that dark tunnel into the light.

All it really takes is a dream, and believe that you can do this. That this is YOUR time now. You can make this next chapter of your life ANYTHING you want it to be. ANYTHING.

Think about that.

Then make a plan…make a Vision Board and spend just a few minutes a day at first focusing on it..then slowly it will start to change how you feel about your situation, and that will change everything.

I am here for you if you ever need support :) I know how hard it is…

 

Sarah Centrella is the author of the book Hustle Believe Receive which teaches you how to apply the #HBRMethod to change your life and live your dream.

Follow on social media: Instagram | Twitter | Snapchat | Pinterest | YouTube |Periscope @sarahcentrella

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Be Thankful.

Sometimes the drama of my life just cracks me up. I mean I’ve learned by now that having a good sense of humor when faced with obstacle after obstacle is the only way to not totally lose my mind. You just get to the place where you can’t even let it get to you anymore. I mean what would be the point?

You climb the ladder and get knocked down enough, you just start climbing the ladder like one of the 3 Stooges. Like really? Gonna knock me off? Yeah, that’s all you got? Come on that didn’t even leave a mark, try harder next time sucka! 

This week was another one of those roller-coasters that I’ve become accustom to the past six months. On Monday I went in for an MRI to check the lumps in my Thyroid to see if they have been growing, as my symptoms would suggest. I’ve been pretty sick the past few weeks and exhibiting all the symptoms or signs of the dreaded C. My doctors had me run through a battery of tests last week which I was happy to do as my health insurance had finally kicked in now that the 90 day mark at work had been achieved. I was over-joyed Monday to learn the lumps are still looking OK and that it was likely just a burst cyst causing mayhem. So joy of joys NO CANCER!

On Tuesday I was laid-off from said job along with a few other employees in an attempt to keep the company viable financially. In case you have been keeping track that makes 3 lay-offs in 6 months! All for economic and corporate redirection reasons. Mind you prior to 6 months ago I had never lost a job for any reason in my life!

Another one bites the dust. 
And another one, and another one. 
Another one bites the dust. 

I literally laughed when my poor boss had to tell me. I couldn’t do anything else. #1. I knew things were not looking good when we all got pay-cuts a few weeks back. #2. I know I’m the most recent hire so the logical choice. #3. Nothing surprises me. The bottom is always redefined in my world. If I rose to the top once I can rise 100 times, who cares if the ego gets bruised in the process and more friends and family desert you. In the end it’s your life and you gotta do what you gotta do. This is just my Earthquake Moment, my bad before the good. I will not lose faith. I will not.

At this point what matters is that, I can do it.
I know I can.
And I will.
WATCH ME.

When my girlfriend walked into my office after the news to find me laughing, she was a little stunned. “At least I don’t have cancer!” I exclaimed with utter sincerity.
At least I don’t have cancer.
Thank you baby Jesus.

be thankful

 

 

Sarah Centrella is the author of the book Hustle Believe Receive which teaches you how to apply the #HBRMethod to change your life and live your dream.

Follow on social media: Instagram | Twitter | Snapchat | Pinterest | YouTube |Periscope @sarahcentrella

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New York, New York.

New York, New York…

God I love New York. I mean I always have, from the first time I came here with my little sister when I was 23 and she was 18. We stayed in a hostile off of Broadway and watched the Macy’s Day Parade on mute in our dirty cramped room, listening to it live outside our window. Too lazy to brave the rain. 

I loved it when my ex-husband and I came 3 months after the twin towers left holes in the ground from September 11, 2001. We walked the streets, in silence as I captured the scene
on my trusty old film camera. Smoke still coming out of the wreckage, military in gas masks stationed everywhere; make-shift prayer sites on every corner. The American Flag planted by NYFD flapping in the cold December wind. But most haunting of all were the thousands of pictures, posters on every available surface of loved ones who where missing and now presumed dead. The memorials throughout the city; dried roses hanging on fences, candles burning day and night next to framed pictures of fathers and children, husbands and wives, grandparents,
reminding us how intensely personal this all was. 
Yes I loved it then. I loved being one of the few tourists in the city. Loved the special attention we received from New Yorkers showing their love, appreciating the fact that we’d take the risk of boarding a plane to see their amazing city, when no one else seemed quite ready. 

But now? Oh god! Now I LOVE New YorkI’ve never known it like this before. Both other times I’d come on the strictest of budgets staying in youth hostels to be able to have enough money to eat off the hot dog carts! 

No more baby! This is MY New York now. 

Brooklyn Bridge, NYC

I get off the plane and head to grab my luggage, rolling it out to the freezing January afternoon at JFK.

“Miss Centrella?”  Damn. “Yep that’sme!” 
My driver loaded my massive red suitcase in the back of the town car, asked for my hotel and sped off in the ice and snow towards, my promise land.  I put in my ear buds, turn on I’ve made It, by Kevin Rudolf, cranked it up as the sky line
suddenly appears directly outside my window.
My heart races.
I can barely contain my childlike excitement.
“I look up to the sky, and know the world is
mine, I’ve know it all my life…I’ve made. I used to dream about the life I’m
living now, I know that there’s no doubt, I made it.
No one believed in me, but I never gave up
the fight. But now I’m on top, I told you I’d let it ROCK, now money’s falling
from the sky! I made it.”
I can’t believe I’m here.
I really can’t.
It takes my breath away, all of this. It was just over a year ago that I was a stay-at-home mom with nothing, dreaming of this life, this moment.  Here it is.
I pinch myself.
Open my window so the cold will sting my face and keep the tears at bay. 
My car pulls up to my hotel, and the valet opens my door. 
“Welcome Ms. Centrella, he smiles at me. No one calls me “Miss Centrella” back home in Oregon.
I’m dressed in all black, from my knee high 4 inch heels to my wool coat. My fake Louis Vuitton Bag on my shoulder, hair in a slick pony tail, Gucci style shades still on as I walk to the front desk trailed by the valet with my bags.  “It says you’re from Oregon on here, but that can’t be right?” The front desk manager asks
looking me up and down slowly with a smile.  I’m being hit on by an obvious native New York Italian Guido; his accent is thick and charming.  “You’re really from here right? Girls like you don’t live in OREGON!”
Thanks, I guess”. I say with a smile. “Yeah this feels like home to me.” 
“Well then, welcome home Miss Centrella”.

I walk down the hall to the elevator, and promptly freak out! I do a quick little dance, like a spider crawled down my shirt, and let my smile take over my body. I get my composure quick before anyone sees me. After all I’m a New Yorker now, I wouldn’t want to lead on that this was all brand new to me. That this was the first day of the rest of my life. 

I pinch myself hard, leave a mark on my poor arm. I can’t believe I’m here! 

Times Square, New York City

I go to my room, drop my stuff on the floor and head right back down stairs. I need to feel the city. I walk and walk, and walk. Stopping at a Jewish deli for some Matza ball soup. I walk past Madison Square Garden, up to Time Square. It’s brilliance at dusk is mind-blowing.  I stand in the center and look up like a 5-year old kid. I stare in amazement, I’ve seen it before but this time it’s like the billboards are saying my name and flashing my picture on their story high screens.

This is my city now.   I think back to the vision board I have at my office, and the picture of Time Square at the center. Now here I was a year later. All expenses paid, standing in the middle of my dream.
I inhaled the crisp air. Listened with my eyes closed to the sounds of the city buzzing like a hive around me, smelled the roasting chestnuts form the street carts. 
God I love this city!
I walked over to Rockefeller Center, watched the skaters gliding on ice under the flag of nations. Keep going past Radio City Music Hall and up 5th Avenue. On the way back to my room the Empire State Building guided me like the North Star. When I finally sat on my bed at midnight my feet were swollen and bleeding. But I
couldn’t feel a thing. 

I run my meetings, gave presentations on the 80th floor of One Liberty Plaza,
with a perfect view of the Statue of Liberty out one window and the construction from 9-11 out the other. I cant help but think this is the view the people in those building saw that faithful day. As I setup for my meeting waiting for the lawyers and Partners to come in, I take a moment to snap a picture. In it I’m standing in my suit with the skyline of New York and the Statue of Liberty behind me. 

Who would of thought? An overweight, depressed new mom, struggling to buy formula would be here, taking my clients to 5 star restaurants, playing with the big boys. When my childhood best friend comes into town on Friday to stay the weekend with me, I know we were about to take it to a whole new level! Her Black Card gets us center stage at the Tony Award Winning Broadway show, and a table at the Ritz Carlton for dinner, dinks at the W Hotel in Chelsea and VIP at the clubs. Is this for real?

I love my life. 
sarah centrella in NYC
Me on this trip in Times Square walking to Madison Square Garden to watch a Knick Game in the sky box 🙂

 

Sarah Centrella is the author of the book Hustle Believe Receive which teaches you how to apply the #HBRMethod to change your life and live your dream.

Follow on social media: Instagram | Twitter | Snapchat | Pinterest | YouTube |Periscope @sarahcentrella

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Amen.

I was sitting in the Doctor’s office today, trying to use every technique I know on The Law of Attraction and positive thinking. But I was scared, still am. Dealing with your health and issues that threaten it are
no joke. It has the capacity to hit you sideways and make you question your faith. My natural tendency prior to learning the power of my thoughts and how to control them would be to FREAK THE HELL OUT right now. That’s what I want to do. It’s a mental tennis match not to.

I watch my Doctors face as I describe how I’ve been feeling. She listens to my breathing, checks my vitals, puts her hands on my neck and throat. I cough. I can’t breathe, I tell her. The pain is obvious in my face, probably the fear too. When her hands push on my thyroid, I wheeze and tell her that’s enough, I can’t breathe.  I see it in her face too. She knows me, we chit-chat about cheating husbands, life after divorce, what it’s like when you’ve unknowingly been living a lie. She knows I’m not bluffing.

 

She leaves, orders the nurses to call in appointments, to not take no for an answer with the scheduling Nazis who try to push everything out weeks. I’m too tired to pay much attention, any focus I
have is on just this moment, nothing beyond it. I won’t entertain that.

I leave her office. Head in a spinning daze, find my way through the parking garage to my car, sit and stare at the dashboard. I pick up my phone and dial my trainer. I regretfully (not really, it’s the best excuse ever to get out of a workout, let’s be honest!) tell him I can’t make our 7:00 AM session tomorrow. He asks why, so I tell him what just took place, the thoughts that are kicking around in my head.

He pauses then says exactly what I needed to hear…

I will pray for you, and so will my people. But you know what thoughts and words are capable of. If I were you, I’d not repeat any of what you just told me. Don’t give it that much power. Don’t re-say those words again. Words are powerful they can bring about reality.”

“Ironic” I say.

I needed to hear that. I KNOW it. I BELIEVE it. But I needed to hear him say it anyway. I knew all the places my mind was going, and I know it doesn’t have any business taking that road, I KNOW this. If you don’t want something to be true, don’t talk about it like it is, or could be. Words are so powerful. Thoughts are life changing. For good or for bad. I sure as hell don’t need the bad ones attracting to me, so I needed to change my mental space fast.

I put on a little hip-hop a song that always makes me wanna dance, cranked it up as loud as I could stand it, for the drive home. I practiced my smile like an idiot in the rear-view mirror.  I wanted my daughters, who run out of the house to meet me every day when I get home, to see me smiling. I wanted to be happy and in a good mood for them.

Sure enough, when I pull up, they are dancing in the pouring rain on the balcony in their boots and rain coats, as if it’s raining M&M’s. They wave and smile at me, I give them the; “You’re the best thing I’ve ever seen in all my life!” Outrageous waves, and smiles in return.

When I get out of the car, Izzy says: “Mama your car looks like joy”.

Amen.

Mira and Izzy

Sarah Centrella is the author of the book Hustle Believe Receive which teaches you how to apply the #HBRMethod to change your life and live your dream.

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