How I Created Lasting Happiness by Cutting the Drama

I LOVE my life. 

No, I’m not in love! No, a man did not give me this feeling.

It’s taken me soooo many years to get here. Sooo many disappointments and heart-brakes. If you don’t believe me, read this blog from the years 2009-2014!

For years, I looked to a man to make me feel beautiful; wanted, important, safe, “normal,” and needed. I searched for that high you get when you’re falling for someone. I craved its temporary lightness, and fleeting happiness.

But, eventually something would go wrong, or they would let me down and I’d come crashing to the ground once again. That was immediately followed by a prolonged cycle of self-loathing. I’d blame myself for falling or trusting in the first place. Then for not listening to my gut when it told me to run, because I was always attracting the WRONG men into my life.  I’d cling to the relationship in the hopes that eventually that rush of happiness would return. And that, would start months, or even years, of dysfunctional allowance. Tolerance of behavior that always left me more destroyed and alone.  

In 2014 I made a conscious CHOICE. I made a DECISION to cut out all of these dysfunctional relationships from my life. It wasn’t just men or dating, I’d created similar patterns of tolerance in unhealthy friendships too. 

I chose my sanity, my wellbeing and my happiness over the fear of “burning bridges” or hurting someone’s feelings. I used this amazing feature on my phone, called “BLOCK,” and went through my contact list like a real woman of conviction, deleting and blocking everyone who didn’t add value and positivity to my life. Then I blocked them on social media. I made sure they were removed from my mailing lists and cut ALL TIES. 

I knew that left to my own devices I’d get weak and respond if they messaged me, so I had to remove all opportunities for temptation. My new motto became; “When they show you who they are, believe them the FIRST TIME.” (Thanks Maya Angelou). 

I needed to get to a place where I put myself and my needs, over EVERYONE (except my kids obviously) else in my life. I began to realize that my emotional and mental well-being were MY responsibility and they needed to be protected and nurtured in a positive way at all costs. I knew I needed time to detox my feelings and emotions from the roller-coaster.  

And just like that, my phone stopped lighting up. My daily conversations were with my closest friends and my kids. It took some getting used to, let me tell you! There’s something about having “people” around you all the time and engaging in random, meaningless conversations all day, that makes you feel… wanted. But I knew it was surface. It wasn’t REAL, and I needed REAL. I wanted quality people in my life, not quantity. 

I made a CHOICE to stop looking for love and happiness from anyone. I realized the simple truth, that if someone else has the power to make you happy, they also have the power to resend that happiness and bring you misery on top of it.

I was tired of being disappointed and let down, so I stopped expecting ANYTHING from ANYONE. I couldn’t control how I felt when someone let me down, but I could control expectations, and stop putting unwarranted trust in people who’d not earned it.

At first, it seemed impossible, because; how do you feel euphoria and joy without someone else making you feel that way? 

I didn’t know. I’d NEVER known. I’d been in a relationship since I was 16 years old. But I kept telling myself I’d be okay. I used mottos everyday, reminding myself that no one held power over my emotions, that I was in control. I knew on a surface level that I needed to learn how to love myself completely, but I wasn’t sure how. It felt fake when I told myself that I was enough. That I was happy. That I was loved. But I did it anyway. 

I moved forward guarding my new found peaceful life against anyone who wasn’t good for me. It took a few years, it didn’t happen overnight… but slowly I gained the strength and confidence to proudly show up in my life, every day without all those distractions. 

And as the months and years began to go by, I became so much more focused. The roller-costar had completely stopped and now I had time to do things like, write my book. I had the energy to pour into my business, writing, speaking, children, hobbies and passions. 

And quietly, my world started shifting. I began orbiting around what brings me joy, because removing the drama allowed me to clearly see what that was. When the dust settled and the noise cleared, what remained was; contentment, gratitude, travel, hustle, drive, motivation, dedication, clarity, peace… and yes, happiness!

Today I woke up so happy. Just smiling to myself at 6:00 am as I packed my son’s lunch and took him to school. I was thinking about how good it feels to walk into my new downtown office, and how happy I am to be building something I believe in, rather than relying on a job that a boss can take away as fast as they gave it. 

I was thinking how excited I am to head to Pinterest tomorrow to teach their employees how to manifest their dreams by creating MY vision boards! And of course, I was gitty at the thought of being in London with the kids in less than two weeks. 

I can honestly say, from the bottom of my soul that I LOVE my life. It’s not perfect, it’s not where I know it will be when I’ve “made it,” but I LOVE IT anyway. As it is. I’m loving this journey, even on tough and frustrating days. I’d take this life, the one I’ve INTENTIONALLY created, over “security” and “normal” any day.

I smile now. ALL THE TIME! I have JOY. I feel so hopeful and excited for where it will take me and how it will manifest.

I feel LUCKY, though I know it’s not luck at all.

I’m so glad I’ve taken risks that haven’t made sense to anyone but me. I’m so glad I’ve learned how to listen to my heart and follow my gut. I’m so glad I had the balls to cut toxic people out of my life.

Is this happiness? It is to me, it’s what I’ve intentionally created, and it feels AMAZING! This happiness (finally) comes from the core of who I am, which means that NO ONE can take it from me. No one can steel my joy. 

I KNOW now that it will always be my responsibility to choose my happiness, to protect and cherish it. 

On second thought, maybe I am in love; with my kids, my work and my life!

 

If you’re not happy, take inventory of your life today. What is making you miserable? Is it the people in your life? Is it your job? Your partner? Your attitude? 

Each of those are things you can CHANGE. Each of them require a decision on your part; either you keep going the way life is and has been, or you DECIDE to make a change. You must reach a point where you chose your own happiness over all the noise. Once you’ve identify the causes of your unhappiness  and made a choice to eliminate them, then you’ll begin to see what actually brings you joy.

Happiness is a CHOICE, one you can either make or ignore. If you are unhappy, it’s because you’ve made the choice to ignore all the things you KNOW bring you unhappiness. You’ve allowed and tolerated them. 

Stop looking for happiness, or chasing that person or thing that you thought was responsible for it. It sounds cliche’ but it’s the absolute truth, there is only ONE place that is the source of ALL happiness, and that is YOU. It can’t be found. It can’t be discovered. It must be CREATED. 

Its time to choose YOU.