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| Keep it movin’. |
I feel like I’m turning over a new leaf. Like I’m finally ready to address the areas of my life that I’ve been putting off because I knew the work required to get them right, would be heavy. Think I’m finally ready to cut the cord of co-dependency that I’ve had attached to far too many people in my life, who in reality, bring no value to it. Time to keep it movin’.
I’ve had a few major epiphanies lately. One is a tough one, the biggest sore spot in my personal journey…. my relationship with men and dating. It’s been… I’ll be brutally honest here… a train wreck. I’ve now been divorced/separated going on four years, and what I’ve realized is that on some level I really, truly want to remain independent. I don’t want a man. I don’t want to rely on anyone. Don’t want to ever find myself in a situation where I’ve just totally been fucked over. I think I subconsciously want to raise my kids my way, on my own.
That of course is NOT at all what I THOUGHT I wanted. I thought I wanted to get married again, and rebuild the type of family unit I was used to. Four years later that’s not happened. Not that there have not been several close calls. But as I look back on my failed relationships I realized that I subconsciously picked men who I knew I could never have a future with. Picked men who reinforced the belief system I had about them in general. And as the Law of Attraction does, it delivered to me the physical equivalent of that belief system. It brought me men I couldn’t have a future with and ones that I knew from the start, would ultimately fail. And (shocker) they did.
But it’s just been lately that I’ve realized the underlying reasons, and really taken a look at how those belief systems have been blocking me from getting what I do ultimately want. They are so deeply embedded in my subconscious that they prevent me from giving anyone a legitimate chance. And they block me from drawing into my life a man who could actually be a perfect addition to my family.
So I’ve decided it’s time to rewrite those belief systems. Digging deeper than I ever have before. The surface stuff (writing lists of what I want etc) have not gone far enough into breaking down my underlying negative beliefs. I’ve recognized for a while now that I was drawing repeat scenarios into my dating life that were, all bad. I’ve been able to see it, but wasn’t sure how to correct it. Now I know. Now I need to really ask myself if I’d ever be willing to share my family with anyone else? If I’d ever really want to jointly make decisions again? If that life is even right for me anymore? I think until I answer that, then I wont ever be able to draw the right relationship into my life.
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| Time to walk away. |
So I’ve decided to cut the dead weight. I’ve looked at the people I know and interact with, and put them into two categories: 1. Put equal effort into our relationship/friendship OR 2. They suck the life out of me. And if they fall in group two… I’m done. I’m done throwing good energy after bad. Done letting people that don’t bring value to my life, or care about me in the same way I do them… take my attention away.
It’s a new year. I want it to be my best year ever. I want to live a happy, simple, positive, healthy life. I’m willing to finally make those adjustments and changes to insure that happens. It feels great. Honestly it does. I’ve been working out everyday, eating right, so my physical self feels better than I have in years. Now it’s time to get the rest of my life feeling lighter and healthy too.
Finding peace and happiness within myself, and not looking for it externally is the plan for 2013. Working on a better me. From now on I’m in a relationship... with myself.
Sarah Centrella is the author of the book Hustle Believe Receive which teaches you how to apply the #HBRMethod to change your life and live your dream.
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Author | Life Coach | Motivational Speaker and single mama. I'm a chick on a mission to prove anything is possible for ANYONE. My story featured in the New York Times, Steve Harvey Show and NBC.
I just stumbled onto your blog and am already inspired. Its so true how you need to fall in love with yourself and be comfortable with yourself before you can fall in love with anyone else. And the reason they will fall in love with you is because you are this happy, confident person with a lively spirit and independence.
I’m glad life is starting to work itself out for you. We spend too long holding onto things that are only going to drag us down in the end. Its not always about fixing something that is broken, its about starting something better.
Thanks for the read!
I Love your last sentence…. so true!!!! I just tweeted it and made it my fb status!! thank you so much for your thoughts 🙂
Love this post! So often we hold onto people that suck our energy from us, and leave us feeling worse after interacting with them. Why do we hold on? This is a new year, and with it comes new perspective and awareness. I admire that you cut the “dead weight” from your life, and you will be rewarded for doing so. You will start to attract more and more positive people into your life, that bring as much to your life as you do to theirs. People that make you feel good and that will honor and cherish everything about you. XOXO
I feel like crying after reading this. Once again, you’ve word for word stated what’s going on w me. At 44, I too have come to the conclusion that I really do cherish my independence and I love the life I’ve created for myself. It took me so long to create a living environment and career I love and now I have it and if I were to merge w someone else, I know I’d lose some of that. Given my previous relationship record and the actual divorce rate statistics, its highly likely that any relationship I’d merge into, would fail and I’d have to start all over once again. I’m afraid of living w someone and making joint decisions as well. I just don’t think I can do it and I know I’m keeping myself single, YET, I also want a man in my life. I write out affirmations of acquiring love all the time, yet I subconsciously and consciously do things to keep me single. My last bf was a separated (which means still married) military guy who deployed during our relationship. I joked that the only way I could have a bf was if he was married and lived 8000 miles away, but omg there was so much truth in that jest. Well, I’m doing some soul searching as well, because there is more to me being single than simply me clinging to my independence. Visiting my family over Xmas reminded me of why I must think of living jointly as a terrifying thing. I have/had a bi polar mother who was crazy..she was Carries mother from the movie Carrie. My dad is a pathetic and manipulative controlling man who has been “on the verge of death” since I was 9 years old. He was/is actually healthy, but uses the I’m gonna die thing to keep me in my place. So, now I see why I deep down fear having a man merge w me. Yet, I think its something I also want, so I am on a soul healing journey and I plan to do some rewriting of my history and belief systems as well. Please keep me posted of your journey and how one might go about this rewriting sh#t. Rhonda from FB
I can relate to a lot of what you said too… definitely my relationship with my parents and theirs with each other is a big reason why I’m intentionally single as well. It’s a scary thing when you realize how much that really does effect our perceptions of relationships. My only fear is that my own kids, my girls especially will grow up with this same ultra independence that I have (which is not totally a bad thing) but that they will not know how to incorporate a man into their life either because they have never seen me with ANYONE, their entire life. My kids have never met anyone I’ve dated or even had anyone around them ever, so it’s a little scary to think they will grow up not having that modeled… but hey… we can only do what we can do right? I’d rather them grow up with just me around then strange men coming in and out of their life, I wont allow that, ever, so….
Enjoy life, enjoy every year you have. That the must important. Not starting from January, or April, or September. Start today and enjoy it every day 🙂
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