So here’s the thing. I HATE dating. I mean it’s been a whole two years of my life that I’ve been at this game, and I can say honestly, and with deep conviction that I’m so OVER it! It’s weird because I was with my ex-husband from age 16 to 33 so I never had the opportunity to date, and never thought I would, or cared to for that matter. So the past tow years have been an interesting ride that’s for sure.
I don’t know what dating at any other age, or stage of life would be like, say in your late teens or twenties because I never dated then. My guess is that it would be less complicated. At those ages you are still figuring out who you are, so you are willing to put up with your mate doing the same. Besides you really don’t know what you want so all you ultimately care about is, are they HOT?? A few other factors might apply like a main mutual common interest, but honestly it’s all about bang-ability and chemistry in those tender years of the love search. Hence when you find someone who meets that limited criteria, you are off to the races, alter bound (as was true with my young love). But alas for 50% of us that isn’t the magic answer either. At some point in time one or both of you will decide that love is not all that matters in a relationship and perhaps you should of cast your net a little wider, and had a few other things on your checklist. Especially if you threw kids into married life, then the bang-ability/chemistry is probably no longer a major factor anyway (just being real).
So that brings us to the stage of dating I currently find myself in, my mid-thirties (God that’s depressing! I was “early” thirties when this started! Ugh). But now, though dating might still be relatively new to me, the rest of it is not. I know what I want and more importantly what I DON’T. I’ve been through the bumps, and like we all do when we play this game, I’ve been banged up and bruised. But I’ve also learned so much about myself in the process, and I’ve made some truly great life-long friends along the way.
There is something that comes with a combination of knowing who I am, and what I want, mixed with 5% free time, and a very low tolerance for BS that results in my general lack of enthusiasm. One thing you learn quickly is that though every guy what’s you to think they are not like all the rest….honey please! They ARE a guy, so duhh! Regardless of how convincing that game might be in the beginning when it comes down to it, there are very very few that have an ability to stand out in the crowd long term.
If I met a man who:
- Was who he said he was.
- Was as fun to be around in person as on the phone/text.
- Treated me the same in person as virtual (and I’d hope better…just saying!).
- Kept his word.
- Wasn’t a flake.
- Was kind but still manly.
- Thoughtful (even a little).
- And had the ability to communicate, show up on time, and be a gentleman…..I’d fall on my face!! (After that list was DEMONSTRATED and not talked up).
I really don’t think that list is unrealistic. I might be crazy, but it seems like its kinda common sense. And the difference in dating at this stage in the game and dating 10 years ago is I just can’t tolerate the crap. I get that everyone has what they are great at and things they are week on, so if you communicate with me on any of these points I’ll be understanding and try to accommodate them as best I can. But don’t talk talk talk…and never do, and still expect to have a shot, that’s all I’m sayin!
I will always believe that everyone has a soul mate; I’m a hopeless romantic at heart and know like I KNOW, like I KNOW that when the time is right I will find mine. I’m not worried about it, but in the meantime, I’m beyond bored of the game.
Sarah Centrella is the author of the book Hustle Believe Receive which teaches you how to apply the #HBRMethod to change your life and live your dream.
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Author | Life Coach | Motivational Speaker and single mama. I'm a chick on a mission to prove anything is possible for ANYONE. My story featured in the New York Times, Steve Harvey Show and NBC.
I can understand where you’re coming from with this blog posting. I’ve had enough of the “game”. I’ve noticed that it has gone from bad to worse over the last year or so. I’ve been single for the last two years. I know there is someone out there for me but I’ve grown tired of wasting time on women that decide to waste my time by telling me one thing and doing another. For example, a woman telling me that she wants a relationship with and three days later telling me over a text she found someone that is “better”. Talk about a arrow straight to the heart. I like to think of myself as a good guy. I guess people choose to play games which makes this “dating game” fun for so few people.
I agree! It’s so annoying!
[Axiom Design] she flaked out on you you should call her on it and charge her to the game. Dating in this day and age IMHO IS a game much like playing Grand Theft Auto. You’ve gotta get shot, stabbed, heart broken, duck for cover and pray that the woman you find at the end of it is the right one. The previous analogy is not my own by the way.
Also, don’t wear your sleeve on your heart. It’s one thing to be hungry but you can’t appear starved. Any woman who sees you as a nice guy beckoning at her every whim will bail on you. That nonsense you hear about nice guys finish last?! It’s TRUE! If you overtly let a woman know that you have other options and are attractive to other women she will likely call you on it as a player or go after you to get you off the market. Don’t know what part of the country you are on but that’s more or less the way it is damn near everywhere.
Younger women are more fickle and flaky, by younger I mean fresh out of college no baggage type women. Sadly these are the women who are most desired simply because they don’t have all of the baggage and emotional hangups of older women. As you get to your Tier 2: 24-30 you get a little more mature woman even if she’s not a lady.
I could go on and on but I’ll stop here. Good luck and seriously don’t wear your heart on your sleeve. One flakes out I say you just keep going. Good luck!
Dating is not that bad. It helps you to be more confident with yourself. It doesn’t mean that you guys are dating, it will officially announced that you are on.