Letters From Readers: Self-esteem

Sarah… I am from Jamaica, I happened to stumble across your blog and I’m reading it till 3 a.m. 🙂I was bullied in high school… It got extremely bad and since then I have become a shadow of what I used to be… I am 19 years old but so full of anger and hatred that it consumes me and I am turning into a horrible person. I used to believe in the law of attraction and I have manifested many academic achievements in my life, but I have found it so hard to use it for changing my mindset and trying t heal from all this bullying… I have so much of self-loathe and I can’t even look in the mirror without cringing… I thought once I had left school (out of the bullying environment) all my insecurities would vanish and I’d be able t start fresh…
However I find that all my actions are confined by the thought that ”People are just out to get me” and ”Hurt them before they hurt you”. I have so much to be grateful for. I have an amazing family network and I have many people in my life who really love me and don’t see all the negative things I see in myself. I am so mean to them because now I cannot confine my ‘anger’ anymore and I lash out at everyone. I am realizing that I am my worst enemy. When it comes to academics, I have used the law of attraction and the results were nothing less than amazing. That is why my circumstances at the moment have made me turn back to the secret. I needed inspiration on how to get started again and then I came across your blog 🙂

You made me believe once again and for that I thank you. I love how you included how God fits into The Secret because that is something I always struggled to understand. My biggest fear in life is that I will settle for less than I deserve all because I don’t believe I’m worth it… I will hopefully try and change for the better 🙂Thank you once again
God Bless.

Hi Tammy,

Thanks so much for being patient, the past week or so has been crazy. I’m grateful that you came across my blog and I’m so honored that it meant something to you.

First let me say that I’m so sorry you had to go through that and that coming out of it has been such a painful and difficult experience for you and your family. I can certainly see how that experience can make you bitter and angry, and feel like you have low self-worth. I believe your question is how you can try to put this behind you, and stop taking the negative feelings, anger and guilt with you….

Here are my thoughts…

First people do not define you. YOU define you. There is NOTHING that anyone can say good or bad about you that defines the person you are. You create the person you want to be every single day. What others think of you or say about you is their jealousy and insecurity and cruelty PROJECTED on to you, but it’s NOT who you are. People saying these things about you doesn’t make it true. To me that is the first thing you REALLY need to understand, you need to know that those are all just words that other people from a place of negative evilness tried to associate with you, but they are NOT you.

You ARE beautiful and the ONLY way you will ever feel beautiful and begin to change that negative voice and turn it into a positive one where you believe that you’re actually beautiful is if you start saying it to yourself, all the time. All of those mean evil things they said to and about you that in your heart you KNOW are not true, you need to make new mantras for those that are the opposite of all the negative-ness. So if they said you are too skinny, say to yourself that you’re a healthy beautiful weight, say to yourself how glad you are that you can wear certain clothes and that your healthy. If they said that your ugly, look in the mirrors and look at your own eyes in the reflection and tell yourself 20 times every morning and 20 times every night before bed that you are beautiful. Have someone who is good at photography take some great photos of you, ones that you like of yourself. Try to see yourself in the eyes of your family and the people who love you. Put the pictures on Facebook so you can hear the positive feedback and let it soak in.

It will take a long time to change those negative feelings about yourself but you can do it, I promise. Remember that what you focus on expands. That means that whatever you think about, you get more of. So if you are thinking all day how ugly you are and how angry you are about it, the more ugly you will feel and them more angry you will become, it’s 100% guaranteed. So you need to flip that.

It will be a baby step process to start off with but, you can do it. Every time you get a bad thought replace it right away in your head with the good one. Practice telling yourself that you’re beautiful and smiling and see how much better you feel after a few days. Smiling will do so much good for you right now, because it’s the opposite of how you want to feel (aka angry).  But when you smile it’s impossible for people to dislike you, you’ll notice that strangers will be nicer to you, and you will feel more beautiful and get a better feeling from the people around you.

And lastly, please try not to feel guilty about this. Bullies should be punished and they can destroy people’s lives forever. You are very smart to have alerted the people around you to help get it stooped, I’m so proud of you for that. And you’re so smart to reach out for help to get through the feelings now. All of those things mean that you are very strong and you will get through this and be stronger for it.

Remember every time that you are angry or feeling ugly that those asshole bullies just WON. Picture their faces…do you want them to win? Do you want what they said about you to be your reality? Don’t let that happen, fight it every time, and soon you won’t have to fight it anymore, one day you will FEEL beautiful all the time, and you will be happy. But it’s not over night it takes work.

Good luck hun you can do it!

-Sarah

 

Tammy’s Reply:

Hi Sarah,

Yes thank you so much for your advice. I have actually started telling myself I’m beautiful. I tried that experiment today and although I didn’t believe it I was surprised that I got compliments. I have also started making my vision board. I will send you pictures once I am happy with it. Thank you for all your help. I am excited to start changing my life and I will let you know how LOA is working for me 🙂

I have also gotten rid of people who continuously insult my looks and those that continually remind me of my past and how I was bullied. That is why I got rid of fb… It was very scary at first but I am surprised to find that even though I have fewer friends now, I am SO much happier. I know they are still insulting me behind my back… but suddenly I just don’t care 🙂

At University, I have gathered a small group of friends who I urged to read your blog. We now share stories of how LOA works for us and try to improve our grades by using it. We are also working on our vision boards together and encouraging lecturers to incorporate it into teaching.

 

 

Author | Life Coach | Motivational Speaker and single mama. I'm a chick on a mission to prove anything is possible for ANYONE. My story featured in the New York Times, Steve Harvey Show and NBC.