Reader Question:
A female reader wants advise on what to do if she is trapped in an unhealthy unhappy marriage. She has dreams for her life, and this isn’t it!
Female 33, UK
This is a difficult situation. I can so clearly relate. Before my husband’s affair, I was in your position. Chronically unhappy. Chronically sad. Held captive by my life. By a husband who didn’t know how to show me love or affection, how to relate to me or how NOT to stifle my dreams. I felt I was dying a slow death in “the perfect life”.
I think honestly in my case, (almost 2 years before I discovered the affair), when I did my Vision Board, and dared to dream just a little, that I planted the seed in my mind that there was another life possible for me. The amazing or crazy thing about The Secret is that it works to fulfill that Big Picture dream for you.
I never would of imagined that the only way for me to fulfill my dreams was to have my marriage end the way that it did. But in truth, that’s the only way that would of worked. I think the Universe knew that. It knew that I would of never had the courage to end it on my own, so it did it for me. People always ask me if when I found out he was cheating, if I tried to save my marriage. I always reply without hesitation “hell no!” Not because at the time I was thinking “this is my escape opportunity (which it turned out to be) but because at the time I thought “why on earth would I fight for someone who openly turned his back on me and our children?”
I guess what I’m trying to say is that in your case if you truly feel the fire in your soul for a different life, and you believe that it’s possible, then it is. It will take immeasurable strength and courage to leave an unhappy life to start a new one, more so than my situation did.
But it can be done.
It sounds like that’s a conscious decision you need to make for you and your family weighing out what is most important to you in life. Can you really see yourself living in your current situation until death?
We only have ONE life.
One chance.
That’s it. So I have always believed that taking chances and taking risk and being brave enough to follow your heart and your passion will pay off in the end. But you must be ready for hardship and struggle and be okay with that.
For me, though my life in most was intensely harder, especially the first year, I was 100% happier. Because for the first time in my life I was in charge. I called the shots. No one was there to shoot down my dreams. And 2 years latter I am achieving the dreams and life I set for myself when I was 13-14 years old. This is the life I always pictured myself living, but I NEVER could of lived this life with my ex husband, never.
So everything happens for a reason. Have faith in that fact.
My only advise is follow your heart, your soul conviction. You are stronger and more capable than you give yourself credit for, we all are. Just believe.
Good luck! keep me posted 🙂
~Written by Sarah Centrella for Thoughts.Stories.Life.
Author | Life Coach | Motivational Speaker and single mama. I'm a chick on a mission to prove anything is possible for ANYONE. My story featured in the New York Times, Steve Harvey Show and NBC.
Came across this blog post and I had to read. Only thing is im the husband. Im stuck in a roommate relationship. My wife doesn’t,work, cook,clean,or show any affection towards me whatsoever. My dreams r squashed because I work 7 days a week to support her and my son. My strong faith and my family and church friends r the only thing keeping me alive. Tried once to comit suicide but thank God was not successful. She does not understand my belief and relationship with Jesus. My biggest fear is actually leaving. I know I need to but taking that step into the unknown scares me to death. I pray everyday to give me the strength to follow my heart but how do I stitch it back up enough to even see my future? Never really been alone. Too many other “challenges ” in my life to go into but is there really a light at the end of the tunnel? Thanks for the oppurtunity to at least talk to someone else who has been thru this awesome thing we call life to
Thank you so much for sharing your story…you are NOT alone that is for sure. I felt very much like that before I found out my husband was cheating. I’ve always felt lucky to some degree because it was an instant and immediate end to the relationship, and though devastating at first wound up to be the perfect exit strategy for me and a huge blessing.
Here are my thoughts…
1. You DO have the strength inside of you to do this. You just haven’t used it yet. We all have the strength and the capacity to handle and get there 100 times more then we give ourselves credit for.
2. Continuing to stay in a relationship that causes you this much pain and unhappiness is not only pointless but destructive to you and your son. Something MUST be done.
3. You CAN DO THIS. Sit down and write out a plan. Figure out the basic steps, where you will live ect. Then tell your wife that this is not what you want for your life, that both of you will be happier moving on from this relationship. And even though the first few months will be almost unbearably trying, just know that it will pass and life will get better the closer u get to the light that IS outside your tunnel.
Life is a beautiful thing, and trust me when I say that the moment you begin to live your authentic life and be authentically YOU, that weight that you feel trying to drown you will be lifted and your heart will be light again. As long as you make the CHOICE to stay and be unhappy that is all you will receive.
Make a vision board. Make a bucket list. Sit down and decide who you want to be. YOU. Not you the husband. Not you the person you have become, but the one you WANT to be. Map that out. Write it out, visualize what your life will look like in one year from now. Where you’ll live, who will be with you…ect. Then take action to make it happen. I had never been alone before my divorce either, we were together from age 16. It can be done believe me! And it feels so great to be the master of your own destiny.
You can do it! Feel free to inbox me if you have other questions, keep me posted!
Thank you…I to have been in a unhappy, unhealthy relationship. I have felt trapped and almost weak at times. My husband cheated on me for 7 years or longer and lied to me about the whole thing. I was blind to see it for a long time. And then i asked myself the question of why I was unhappy and why did I feel like I wasn’t getting anywhere with my goals in life. And then the ugly truth was shown to me. My dream was to own my own salon and that opportunity fell in my lap a year ago. I was scared to death to start my own business but it has been worth it. Family seems to be harder to conquer the devastating of being split up but in the long run it will be worth it. I to seek my light at the end of the tunnel. And I hope to see it soon. This isn’t the first time I have read a blog that you have posted that has brought tears to my eyes because it’s what i search for and the universe has put it right in front of me. THANK YOU for conquering your dream’ it has helped to put mine back into prespective 🙂
ohhh that gives me chills… thank you for sharing your story. And you are so strong for what you are already accomplishing. You should be proud of yourself!
Give yourself LOVE, talk kind and encouraging to youself, because what your doing is WONDERFUL! You are taking control of your life, and yes it’s hard…but your doing it. So as much as possible tell yourself how amazing you are, and dont let the negative voices get to you, that will bring the light to you faster then anything else.
Make a habit of focusing on your dreams, use visulasion and be kind to youself and you will see the fog lift I promise.
Thank you for sharing 🙂 made my day!
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Annabel Robinson from Canada
It was nice knowing ur story sarah i am also in that kind of relationship where is no place for love and trust i just want to move in another life which is only mine but can’t get that strength to leave my husband